Mr. Cheney, Who's the Real Traitor and Spy?

Former U.S. Vice President and un-convicted war criminal Dick Cheney Sunday proclaimed NSA leaker Edward Snowden a "traitor…and possibly a Chinese spy…" Looking perky and pink-cheeked, Mr. Cheney told his Fox TV hosts during an interview that if the NSA  American citizen spy program had been in effect before the September 11 terrorists attacks on the U.S. then the attacks might have been thwarted. Mr. Cheney's selective memory, perhaps compromised as a result of multiple heart attacks preceding his surprising receipt last year of a new heart from a mysterious and anonymous donor, overlooks another reason the 9-11 attacks were not uncovered. On August 6, 2001, a month before the attacks, the Bush Administration received a PDB "Presidential Daily Briefing" titled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.”  According to a September 12, 2012 New York Times article, this warning from the CIA was a frustrated follow-up to two previous other briefs on May 1 and July 29, 2001 warning the White House that Bin Laden was planning to attack soon. Of course these warning were ignored on the advice of the Vice and his neo-con cronys. If Mr. Cheney had not chosen to ignore these warnings perhaps the 9-11 attacks could have been prevented. Mr. Cheney deliberately chose not to protect and defend the American people from a possible imminent attack which resulted in the massacre of nearly 3,000 defenseless citizens on American soil. Who's the real traitor, Edward Snowden or Dick Cheney? And could Cheney be an al-Qaeda spy?


www.praajek.com

For What it's Worth

There are serious implications of government gathering private info on citizens. If in the current Prism NSA National Security Agency (No Such Agency?) case it turns out that actual phone conversations, emails etc. were accessed, then we might be talking serious and criminal.  But what is absurd is the shock and dismay being expressed that government would do or attempt to do this contrasted with the reality of how much people today are willing to divulge of their private info in public forums, like Facebook Twitter & other social media. When people post on Facebook or Twitter when & where they're eating, peeing, who they're sleeping with, that they're drunk, high or visiting a museum or theatre why would they care if the government knows it too? It's Facebook! You just posted it for the whole freaking world to see! (Even if you limit access to "friends" every time you post something it's ultimately available for worldwide distribution.) I just ate this, here's a photo of my caprese salad. I just arrived here.. I'm seeing this now..  I have a new grandchild and here's 35 photos of her wrapped in swaddling cloth. I'm I'm I'm me me me look at me.. I'm important, I'm doing cool things, I'm relevant, I'm part if the world, I'm Special!!! And then when you find out the government is looking at the how Special you are... you are shocked. Shocked!

Cameras on every street corner, donut shop & grocery store. GPS in your car tells that GPS company and the government (government-licensed satellite) where you are & where you've been. Get cash from an ATM and you've left tracks. Grocery "value" key cards track your eating/drinking preferences. I've got 12 such cards on my key ring. The Target store chain admitted last year it could predict buyer purchases based on buyer history & demographics..i.e. stock more maternity items and junk food in low-income areas. If you shop at Lane Bryant with a credit card you might find it harder to buy health insurance. People talk loudly and freely and often purposely on cell phones in public places sharing intimate details of their "important" lives with annoyed and reluctant listening strangers. We live in a world where we are made to believe that sharing our personal information is cool, that privacy is not, that too much info is better than not enough. We say singsongedly "Too much in-for-ma-tion!" But we don't really believe it.

So, do I trust the government with my personal info? Not any more than I trust my hospital, car dealer, grocery store, toll road agency, or the myriad other businesses and institutions I interact with.

At this point it has not been shown that the government actually listened or transcribed my phone calls or emails. The danger in the government's Prism program is its potential to collect and store indefinitely our private communications and transactions. And why collect and store if it doesn't use it.

If paranoia is justified then I must also be afraid of Verizon, ATT, Comcast, Citibank, Google,  Apple, etc. Those companies already have my info. And I don't get to elect their CEO or directors. Is there really any essential difference between a big corporation and a government  agency besides election day accountability? The U.S.uses private military companies such as KBR (former Halliburton unit) and Blackwater to supply corporate soldiers to fight our wars; Booze Allen tech consulting derives 90% of its income from a government contract with NSA. Verizon provides a special physical fiber-optic pipeline to NSA. We need to unearth a vast supply of paranoia to cover all this.

Maybe we over-share
Can't have it both ways..
Share it you bear it.

The issue is what will or could government do with your phone calls, email, social media updates?

Ultimately the total paranoid answer is "anything it wants to do to you it could." Audit your taxes? Check. Restrict your travel.. deny passport, driver license?  Seize your guns? Check. Deny medical care? Form a death panel? Sure. Make your life miserable?  Lock you up? Kill you? Oh yeah!  All this assumes that government is intrinsically evil. Or if not, then it will choose an evil path if given the choice; that we elect leaders who are so flawed, weak, manipulative and willing to ignore the Constitution that we might as well not give a damn about anything and just live our pitiful little lives under the lens of Big Brutha.

"Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
Step out of line, the men come and take you away." Buffalo Springfield

Praajek@gmail.com

Secret Government Data Mine Discovered in WV Hollow!

Government data miners photographed hauling data into secret mine using hi-capacity fiber-optic rail vessel.

Praajek has just uncovered, thru proprietary wiki-hacking resources, a top-secret government Data Mine located in the foothills of a musty mountainous West Virginia hollow. Here are some exclusive photos I excavated from NSA data mines which show a top secret storage facility where the cell phone calls, Facebook postings, Instagram photos, old love letters, grocery lists, vehicle maintenance records, utility bills, old college essays, report cards, job evaluations, graduation classmate messages in high school yearbooks, baby teeth unclaimed by the Tooth Fairy, DNA samples of toenail clippings from unturned sofa cushions, New Year resolutions, Catholic Church member confessions, childhood mother’s day cards and first grade plaster hand imprints of millions of Americans. These exclusive photos also show government data mine workers hauling in for storage and analysis tons of private data from unsuspecting American citizens.

This previously undisclosed photo shows a government top secret data storage facility in remote West Virginia hollow.

Government data mine workers pose with specially-trained Government Mules that secretly transport citizen data via condoms inserted in rectums.

Celebrate?

"Celebrate good times, come on!

Let's celebrate

Celebrate good times, come on!

Let's celebrate."

....Kool & The Gang

Ok.. I know I should cut Boston some slack. The teenage Marathon Bomber is in the hands of the police. The older one is dead. There is much deserved relief among Bostonians and their suburban neighbors. Thank the gods & goddesses that these terrorists have been stopped from further mayhem. Then why does last night's flag-waving, anthem singing, bare-chested celebration seem so "un" seemly. I ask myself what would I have done (sorry, can't ask Jesus... he's dead). Would I have been there in a frenzied chest-thumping mob singing and publicly celebrating like the mob broadcast on TV? Where were the TV networks when probably most of Boston stayed quiet and solemn in their homes with the sad acknowledgment that this type of terror in America will probably not be the last. That's not really something to celebrate. 

Rather than celebrate, evidenced by the screaming, singing, dancing of the televised mob, I'm sure many Bostonians took this time to reflect, to hug their children in love more than celebration. But televising such a scene would not make good television. 

"We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)

Let's celebrate, it's all right

We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)

Let's celebrate, it's all right." 

www.praajek.com

The News...how much is too much?

The News...how much is too much?

The non-stop coverage of the tragic terror bombing in Boston by major cable and network TV news organizations is exploitative, wringing ratings bounty from tragedy in exchange for dubious reports of speculation, rumor, interviews with terror experts, maudlin personal accounts of victims by family, friends and neighbors. All disguised as "news." News that the American public, as deemed by the media, supposedly needs in massive overdoses. And needs and needs more and more and more.  Of course an event as horrific as a public bombing has to be covered as real news. But as soon as one of these violent events occur the media rolls out its pre-fab boiler plate disaster template replete with catchy "name," The Boston Bombing." Identify victims to highlight with personal profiles, reporters hang out in front of victims' homes, conduct special interviews of neighbors. When all the relatives' anguish, privacy and mourning has been exhausted then bring on Rudy Giuliani.  We've seen it all before..again and again. We watch the replays of the disasters over and over, the weeping relatives, the long-faced newscasters.  Wolf Blitzer fluffing his audience into an orgy of visual TV engorgement with his perfectly timed "This just in.. Breaking News... on top of breaking breaking breaking news; Anderson Cooper grim-faced with practiced reverent vocalizations of sympathy... Stay tuned we'll be right back with more on this developing story ......Stay tuned... Stay tuned... Right after this commercial message from Teenna Twist stop-the-leaks-panty pads. 

We're back with newsbabe Stacey So'enso.. From box cutters to pressure cookers, let's discuss... Joining me now is the spokesperson for the National Association of Pressure Cookers. 

Let the news just be news. 

The constant attempts to squeeze out a story from the slimmest of facts; the milking of a tragedy by repeated looping of horrific bloody videos; the frenzied pursuit of interviews with "experts" on any imaginable subject with the barest of relevance to the crime adds up not to legitimate news coverage but instead an attempt to stoke a morbid and prurient public hunger for a bloody insatiable feast on the aftermath of unspeakable tragedy. 

www.praajek.com

Dick Cheney Apologizes...?

Since Dick Cheney won't apologize for anything, I'll do it for him...

Former President George Bush's underling Vice P. Dick Cheney continues to rear his evil shrunken head grabbing headlines by criticizing Obama's cabinet picks and insuring the world that he doesn't apologize for or regret anything in his life.

Last year it was his "no apologies"memoir, now it's a recent documentary,  THE WORLD ACCORDING TO DICK CHENEY, which amounts another helping of sour left-over no-apologies. As the world recently marked the 10th anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, the Cheney-Bush-Rummy-Condi-Colin's two trillion dollar war that slaughtered more than 4,400 Americans, injured more than 32,000 Americans and killed more than 100,000 Iraqis, Mr. Cheney continues to spend his remaining days on a self-congratulatory "no-apologies" tour.

If Mr. Cheney won't apologize for his murderous war or anything else he's done in his strangelovian life, well I suppose it's time, before he passes from this world into the depths of his own special room in Hell, that someone steps up and apologizes for him. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

So here it goes:  To all of Humanity.. I, Dick Cheney, offer my whole and transplant-hearted apologies for:

Dodging the Vietnam war draft five (5) times, while chicken-hawking and stoking the flames of wars for others to be maimed and killed in. I apologize profusely for publicly stating that "I had other priorities," as my excuse for dodging service to my nation.

I also apologize for supporting and promoting the wiretapping of American citizens, warrant-less Gitmo detention of suspected enemies, and the waterboarding and torture of enemy combatants in defiance of the Geneva Conventions.

I apologize for my egregious and purposeful lies to the American public about the existence of WMDs in Iraq and my vile role in leading America into the invasion of a sovereign nation that had no role in the 9-11 attack on the US. I am also sorry for publicly stating that the Iraq War would be "an enormous success story." (although I admit it was a financial success personally for me..ha ha). Although I apologize for that war, I admit that I will never be able to wash the blood of American soldiers and innocent Iraqi men, women and children from my greedy withered hands.

I apologize for my Iraq war profiteering that further enriched me by benefiting my former company Halliburton in its oil and construction ventures in that nation. I'm sorry that as Secretary of Defense - 1989-93-  I awarded Defense contracts to Halliburton and later was paid $44 million as Chairman of Board and CEO of Halliburton.

I also apologize for tricking poor dumb George W. Bush into accepting me as his running mate in the 2000 election. By assigning myself as the head of his search team for a credible Vice Presidential candidate, I sifted thru all the potential applicants only to, behold, find the perfect Vice: me! (I'm really sorry for that one!).

Although I apologize for these and numerous other minor and mostly major (sorry, Harry, for shooting you on that hunting trip) failures, schemes and crimes against humanity, I also wish to apologize for the innumerable medical resources that I've spent, probably the result of 20 years of 3-pack-a-day smoking. My multiple heart attacks, pacemakers, vein transplants used up valuable medical time and money. My heart transplant last year grabbed a heart from an anonymous donor that could have certainly been given to a more worthy recipient than me.

Sincerely,

Dick Cheney, your humble public servant. (just kidding...)

Don't Drone Me Bro ©.. World's First Personal Drone Deflector

Don't Drone Me Bro ©.. World's First Personal Drone Deflector

With mounting concerns over the US government's use of unmanned drones to kill American citizens, few are discussing defensive measures, beyond a Rand "BatshitKrazy" Paul filibuster, that citizens might deploy against a Government Drone Attack (GDA). Under top-secret protocols guided by the Paranoidial Society of America, I have just completed development of  "Don't Drone Me Bro©," the world's first Personal Drone Deflector. This unique personal headgear utilizes a patented highly effective deflective anti-drone silicate-based high-enamel coating called Teflonium. Combined with drone-signal-messing Warping Strips of special Tinfoilium, the "Don't Drone Me Bro©" headgear offers state-'o-the-art technology at state-'o-the economy prices. Lovingly hand crafted by bearded Amish farmers near Wapokeneta, Ohio,  the "Don't Drone Me Bro©" Drone Deflector also relieves drone- scanning neck pain as well as that nagging sense of impending instant death from the sky. Apply today to be one of the first "DDMB pioneers" to try it out. Txt 312.339.2583 or twitter @praajek #dontdronemebro why you would like to be one of the first to receive a prototype model.  But wait.. By applying now, if selected as a DDMB pioneer, you will also receive absolutely free an extra set of the patented Drone Signal-Messing Tinfoilium Warping Strips for extra drone death-defying protection. (Just pay shipping & handling.)

www.praajek.com

Papal Brackets

Fill in your Papal Brackets now...!!!

Google Glasses…I got Mine! I'm the first…

Google Glasses…I got Mine! I'm the first…

I got the jump on Google's recent offer to apply for the first consumer model of its augmented reality glasses. Regular folks had to go through an application process, write an essay and plunk down $1,500 for the honor to be the first on their network to have a computer on their face. 

With my inside-Google social creds I arrived home the other day to the receipt of a Fed-X package from the Google Factory with a pair of prototype Google Glasses. Among the myriad features, my GGs sport designer rare-element Refusomonium Steel frames with "SouperDouper" Optics lens. 

One of the most magical features, NostrilJamAudio, enables me to now smell sounds. This takes music listening to an all-new dimension allowing one to instantly perceive whether or not a particular song stinks…or "smells/sounds" good. I tested it out by letting Pandora randomly select a female 80's pop singer. Out came Madonna singing a cover of Don McLean's American Pie and instantly my olfactory senses were overwhelmed with a putrid smell of fresh shoe-stepped-in dog poop. I hit my iTunes playlist favos including Muse, (hoppy beer brew scent) Mana (lime and cilantro)  and Brahms Concerto for Piano no.2 in B flat minor ( cinnamon apple strudel). Wow. NostrilJam really works! 

 And that's not all, folks. Yes, you can smell sounds, but you can also "see" smells with Google Glass's nifty app called "sMellize" (smelly eyes…get it?) When I played and smelled that Madonna song with the sMellize app activated I actually saw thru the Google Glass "SouperDouper" lens a virtual re-creation of dog poop on a shoe. Amazing. 

Although I haven't explored all the features on my new GGs I particularly enjoy the Sommelier Gizzy which automatically suggests and lets me virtually taste the perfect wine it algorithmically pairs with the dinner items I scan by looking at the menu. Pretty nifty, right? Let's say I'm scanning the menu at Mr. Beef's Italian beef walk-in on Orleans Street in Chicago. I focus my GG lens on the menu description of an extra large juicy beef with hot jardiniere. SommelierGizzy instantly brings up in my vision field a hip bottle of Muscatel Red. If I remove the Olfactory Sensory inset from my nostril (used for the NostrilJam app) and place it in my mouth I suddenly perceive a taste-sensation of that rich-bodied Muscatel Red. Crazy, right? 

Other features like the BlackHole Rectal Scan A-hole detector can warn me when I'm in the vicinity of jerks and assholes. Although Google touts this feature prominently in its promotions, it needs to work out some bugs. The A-Hole Detector kept giving me a warning even when I was alone and no one around. What gives, Google? 

Overall, Google Glass is everything one could expect from the Google Factory. Rumor has it that the next version of GG will incorporate the killer app "tOuchi-feeli," which purportedly allows a GG explorer to virtually touch and feel one's or another's feelings. For example, if my significant one is feeling angry, I might be able to touch and feel the shape of that sadness as a tactile object, (sharp heavy?) and see it's color (red?), and eventually even visually perceive it as maybe a chair which hits me in the head. Sweet, eh? 

And one last nice touch: included in every set of Google Glass is a special Hipster Hat. How cool is that? Eat your algorithms out, ye Googleless Goggleless ones. 

Click on image to enlarge.

Me Testing My New Google Glass

Click on image to enlarge...

New Google Glass Prototype

www.praajek.com

Dysfunctional Government or Business?

Dysfunctional Government or Business?

Once again NY Times columnist David Brooks hits the (hammer) head on the (thumb) nail in today's column. He asserts "that business people think that government is so dysfunctional that they are afraid to invest and spur growth." They indeed might think government dysfunctional, but that's not the reason for lack of new investment and hiring.  And businesses might also be afraid to invest. They are afraid because they can afford to be afraid, but not a fear of government.  A lot of businesses are sitting on stockpiles of cash and have learned during the past recession years that they can get by without additional hiring by demanding employees work longer and harder without significant wage increases. Not much incentive to hire when workers fear layoffs. First it was the excuse of the "fiscal cliff" for not expanding and hiring. Now it's the sequestration. They blame the government when the real reason lies in their new timid austerity and obsession for wringing the maximum profits out of the minimum workforce rather than boldly investing, creating jobs and helping the economy expand. And maybe this time government, as Reagan once said, is also part of the problem. Not for interference and regulation or tax policies. It's partially to blame because it's not doing enough. It's not spending enough to create new jobs. Once government unleashes the power of public sector jobs programs, investment in infrastructure, bridges, highways, the electrical grid, then dysfunctional business will see the error of its frugal fiscal folly and follow and cash-in with new investments and jobs. 

www.praajek.com

Dog Faced

Lots of pics of the Steve Buscemi dog recently shared...

The Steve Buscemi Doggie

Here's my version of a new breed...The John Boehner Basset Hound

The Boehner Basset

Buffalo Wings Clipped?... Try Kalahogies this Super Bowl.

Buffalo Wings Clipped?... Try Kalahogies this Super Bowl.
The widespread national panic over the fear of a chicken wing shortage may indeed be self-fulfilling. Hoards of "wingers" are storming grocers, lining up hours before store openings, even stalking loading docks of Sam's Costco and Walmart. Major corporate chicken farms have reportedly been victims of midnight raids by marauding Super Bowl fans bent on having their wings and eating them too. In the rural South reports of broad-daylight chicken snatchings from back and front yards have been witnessed by locals.

Folks, there's a better way. Forgot the "Buffalo Wing."

As we slouch toward Super Bowl Sunday let us fore go the boring Buffalo Wing and masticate on the oral delights of Faux Calamari, or better known as Kalahogies. Faux, or fake calamari is similar to the artificial seafood crab stuff at the deli counter. It is the perfect Super Bowl snack made of real pork (the other white meat, right?)  Real calamari, as we all know are those tasty little white chewy rings of battered and fried squid. Faux calamari, popularly known as Kalahogies, are little rings of chewy hog rectums, battered and fried to delicious nutritious  chewiness. Boil them first until soft, then grill or deep fry slathered in spicy barbecue sauce. Serve and chew by the dozen. You'll never go back to Buffalo.

With apologies to William Butler Yeats' "The Second Coming.":

"The Second Helping"

Turning & burning on the broiling gyre
The chicken cannot but fear the
Chickener;
Wings fall part, the skin cannot
Hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The buffalo-wing shortage is loosed
And everywhere
The half-time ceremony of
has-been rock stars
Is drowned out by beer commercials.
The best commercials lack all conviction
While the worst are full of
Passionate flatulence.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely a Second Helping is at hand.

The Second Helping! Hardly are Those words out
When a vast image of Barbequedis Porcina-rectumus
Eases my sight: somewhere in Lands of the dessert
A shape with hog body and the Head of a chicken
A glaze sticky and hot and pitiless As the sun,
Is dripping slowly down my chin While all about it
Real sad howls of the indignant
Wingless fans.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That XLVII Super Bowls of boring
Football
Were hexed to indigestion by the chili ladle
And what rough beast, its rectum well done at last,
Slouches towards the two minute
warning to be eaten?

www.praajek.com

"No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act".

Pass the "No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act".

President Obama's recent proposals to control the spread of guns in America does not go far enough. Here's what we need: 

Don't control guns, ban them.

Presidential/Executive "Re-interpretation" of the Second Amendment concomitant with enactment by Congress or Presidential Fiat of the "No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act" also to be known as the "No Right to Own Guns Act."

The manufacture, import and sale of firearms and ammunition for non-military in the U. S. and its territories will be banned. 

Phase One: A Federal ban on the civilian purchase of any firearm. This means hand guns, assault rifles, shotguns, hunting rifles, target/sport firearms. Also BB guns and similar varmint-hunting guns such as pellet guns, potato "spud" guns and all NERF-type projectile-emitting gun facsimiles. (BB/pellet and NERF-type guns are "gateway weapons" that lead to future desire/addiction to possess and use bullet-based firearms). Violation of the "No Gun Left Behind Act" is a zero tolerance, "one strike you are out" violation resulting In a minimum income-based fine of $20,000 and up. Inability or refusal  to pay the fine shall result in a minimum one year sentence to a firearm practice ranch for Federal Agents as a live target decoy. (Sentence commuted after one year if prisoner survives)

Phase Two: The President shall order all citizens to turn in to Federal Authorities any and all firearms they own or possess. Firearm owners complying will be compensated for the price that they paid for the firearm(s). Refusal to comply will result in fines and imprisonment. 

Phase Three: The National Guard, branches of the US military forces, Federal policing agents including the FBI, will conduct house-to-house inspections nationally for the purpose of confiscation of firearms. Non-compliance will result in imprisonment of head of household. 

Phase Four: local police will be required to "Stop & Frisk" suspected gun carriers at any time or place. Citizens will also be rewarded with cash bonuses for alerting police or Federal authorities to anyone who they suspect possessing a firearm. 

Hunters and firearm sport enthusiasts will be able to rent approved firearms from the federal government for limited use. Firearm renters shall have proper gun user insurance.  

Traditional firearm-based hunters who choose not to rent firearms will be provided with federal training in bow & arrow, knife and persistence hunting (stalking and chasing game on foot until animal is caught). 

Black market distribution of firearms will be controlled by Revenueurs a special elite strike force of Federal and civilian under- cover swat specialists. Funding for national firearm prohibition will be diverted from state, local and Federal drug enforcement since passage of the "Freedom to Purchase & Use Any Drug Act" Americans will be able to purchase and use any drug legally.

This should be considered only the first steps in freeing our country of the curse of firearms. Once these actions are enacted then America should really get serious about banning guns. 

www.praajek.com

Reanimated

Things I didn't write about since late October: Praajek has been on "special" assignment, recovering from major robotic multiple insertion-point abdominal invasions. Five street cred-enhancing slugs to the stomach. The seven hour long surgery took so long because the robot was operated by a 15 year-old Hindu boy in Mumbai who was also doing tech calls for Dell Computer.

Obama re-elected. Oh, yeah, I predicted that didn't I? Ah. Not. Actually. I was convinced, like Karl Rove, Dick Morris and Fox News that Romney would win. Despite Nate Silver's daily tracking data crunches, Obama just seemed ripe for a Jimmy Carter-style wipe-out. My mis-praajekshun could have been the result of my tendency toward "catastrophizing" or always expecting that the worst thing will happen; "making a mountain out of a molehill," a tendency toward expecting a catastrophic nuclear meltdown from forgetting your car keys. Anyway, I took great solace in the non-realization of my worst fear of a Romney presidency.

Can "good" ever come from catastrophes? No. But change can happen, change that can help prevent or mitigate the damage and impact of future disasters.

SuperStormSandy: NJ Gov.Chris Christy's embrace of Obama incensed Repooblicans and certainly didn't hurt The President's re-election chances. SSS also led to further erosion of John Boehner's reputation as he later delayed Republican approval of disaster funds for stricken SSS victims. More importantly, maybe the Climate Change "Truther Deniers" will re-evaluate their denial.

Newtown child mass murder gun shooting rampage. No. No one can say any "good" resulted from the gun-shooting mass murder of 20 children. Maybe now we'll get laws against unbridled, uncontrolled gun ownership.

Mayan apocalypse collapyse. The world really did end. We just haven't realized it yet. Proof? Just look at Apple's stock plunge.

But the event that really rocked and shocked the earth to it's molten core was @Pontifex, Pope Benedict's new Twitter account. Are you following this guy? Ten days ago he tweeted: "May we defend the right of conscientious objection of individuals and institutions promoting freedom and respect for all." Wow, sounds like he is ready to embrace same-sex marriage and equal rights for women." Go @Pontifex!


Praajekshuns for 2013:

Nicki Minaj will reveal "she's" really Dennis Rodman.

Lance Armstrong will admit that yes he did inject... his bike tires...with steroids.

Obama will issue a long-over-due executive order banning the use of YOLO.

The Republican Party will reanimate itself by replacing its elephant symbol with a Mexican Burro.

The Chicago Tribune fire one of its copy editors who accidentally printed the name of the Russian punk girl band Pussy Riot.

Rev. Al Sharpton will be "axed" by MSNBC.

President Mitt Romney

Four years ago people who voted in the United States elected to elect the first non-white President. Four years later voters will elect to not re-elect that first non-White President and elect, for the 56th time, a white man. Despite President Obama's last two strong debate performances it was his dismal showing in the first debate that opened the door for Mitt to rush in. That door was already a fragile door kept closed by a reverse vacuum of Mitt mistakes sucking it shut rather than strong Obama weight against it. That weak-kneed first debate response showed an Obama in killer-rabbit mode, fearful to engage choosing flight instead of fight. And now with Mitt's election and Obama's defeat, we prepare for a new America, one ruled by a right-wing Teabagger ethic that endorses the insane concept of voting against one's economic self-interest, that raises Christian religious myths above science, that believes access to affordable health card is not a right, that your social security should be trusted to Wall Street rather than the government, but that the government, not women themselves, should make decisions regarding their bodies and health. 

This Age of Mitt ushers in a new America with a Supreme Court guaranteed to outlaw abortion, defend corporate over individual rights, promote the ownership and use of more handguns, assault rifles and stockpiling of ammo. Corporations will be people with additional powers to buy elections & threaten their workers to vote for Mitt-like candidates or else face lay-offs.  The wealthiest one percent will reap bountiful bags of tax reductions while the middle class will continue to shrink slouching powerless toward a lower standard of living, fewer opportunities and burdened with increased taxes. 

Obama sat on the sidelines for the first year of his presidency, failed to even try to sell the benefits and positive results of The Stimulus, the auto bailout and his affordable health care act. He let Mitch McConnell and John Boehner disrespect him and the Office and laid down the AstroTurf around his own political grave. 

And now we face a new America...a corporate-theocracy serving the twin interests of big business and big religion. Which is a perfect fit reflecting Mitt Romney's and his Morman Church's ethic that merges religion and business/finance. 

Welcome to the New America. Where the business of America is business and god, where business is a religion and religion our business. 

www.praajek.com

Debatables

Will Romy wear a pink tie thinking he is pandering to women?

Instead of a handshake at start of debate O must give Romney a noogie & a wedgie.

O must not repeat that Romney's pen_ _ (sion) is bigger than his. 

In discussing Russian President Putin, O should force Romney to say the words "Pussy Riot."

O must challenge Mitt to admit 

he doesn't know how many holes-in-one N.Korean leader Kim Jong Un achieved 1st time he golfed. (answer: 18)

Body language: Instead of pointing his finger this time Obama will just give Rommy The Finger.

O should remind us how embarrassing it could be 4 Mittens to visit London & France wearing Magic Morman Underpants. 

US Bishops r threatening Catholics with eternal damnation if they vote 4 O. Would O support a first strike against the Vatican?

www.praajek.com

Zingers... and The Next Debate

Zingers... and The Next Debate

President Obama's cringe-worthy, zingerless debate with Mitt the Re-Born Moderate can serve to give him and his advisors the courage to plot a new Zinger-filled strategy for his next encounter with RoboRom. I kept shouting at friends while watching Obama's dismal limp performance that he was only playing, a la Ali,  a Ropa-Dope strategy.. letting RoboRom wear himself out with his weary punches only to push off in the last rounds in a flurry of crisp and unrelenting flicks, jabs, lefts, rights, body blows and a coup de gras to Romney's circuit board lit crainium. But no Ropa-dope. Just  bent over defeated eyes cast down in a " just let me go home and sleep..yo Michelle, let's doit again-in-morn" body language. 

An acquaintance in Kansas City, MO, Wayne Bowser, held a debate-night gathering anticipating a zinger cream-filled evening requiring his guests to eat a Hostess Zinger (which he served in abundant amounts) each time O or R served up a debate zinger. Needless (yet required) to say, Bowser will be  doling out left-over twin Zingers to his two twin teenage sons for breakfast, lunch & dinner until at least November 6th. 

Maybe if Obama had partaken in a cream-filled Zinger or two before the debate instead of early-celebrating his wedding anniversary...jeez, even cauliflowered-eared brain-addled boxers know not to have sex the night before, let alone right before you climb into the ring...he might have been sugar-energized enough to un-clog his sex-weakened brain. Sex makes the legs weak. Brain too. Obama drowning in post-coital endorphins.. every other word an "uh"... Surprised he didn't whisper to Romney "I love u too baby...." Holy Sheet. Worst. Debate. Performance. Ever. (Sorry for use of: most. trite. construction. ever.)

So, next debate. Let the zingers fly. Here are ten zinger suggestions for Obama.. an Obama who will be sex-starved, edgy, angry ( yeah First Dude.. channel your inner Samuel L. Jackson), cold-blooded and thirsty and hungry to kill anything standing behind a podium or within ten feet of Your Personal Presidential Space. 

Zinger # 1: Well, there you go a Bain! 

Zinger # 2: I knew Snooki...and Sir, you are no Snooki ! 

Zinger # 2: Don't go get'n your  Magic Morman underpants all in a knot. 

Zinger #3: Govna... I knew Honey Boo Boo... And Sir, you are no Honey Boo Boo !

Zinger # 4: Govanur, You need to put on your Big Boy Magic Morman Underpants. 

Zinger # 5: Yeah, you and the Dressage horse you rode in on.

Zinger # 6: You and your One Per%ers deserve a tax reduction like Todd Akin deserves an Award from the National Organization of Women. 

Zinger # 7: You have flip-flopped so often that Sea World stock just tripled. And so has the world beach sandal industry. 

Zinger # 8: Your hair has been dyed so much that it could serve on a death panel. 

Zinger # 9: And yo Mama.. jeans. 

Zinger # 10: You been more brainwashed by the Tea Party than your daddy was brainwashed by Vietnam.

www.praajek.com

Romney's Secret Weapon

Romney Unleashes Secret Weapon to Win White House

Republican nominee for President Mitt Romney today revealed a devastating new tactic which many predict will propel him to the Oval Office and his Party to the capture of both houses of the legislative branch. The new campaign strategy, unleashed at recent public supporter-only rallies, shows that Romney has finally decided to get serious about winning the Presidency. Leaders of his party as well as opposition Democrats seem both shocked and surprised that Romney would employ what many would consider tantamount to a "nuclear" option to take command of the upcoming election. "Never before has a candidate shouted so loudly at a political rally," said one taken-aback advisor. "This guy can really shout." By shouting at extreme decibel levels, Romney's new secret weapon - shouting loudly - is expected to revive his moribund campaign, excite his base, bring home the undecided, turn-on his wife and make his four or five sons really, really proud of him. Oh, and make him President, too. 

www.praajek.com

Exclusive - Topless Queen Elizabeth.

This blog has recently come into possession of exclusive photos taken of a topless Queen Elizabeth vacationing in a remote beach spot on the Isle of Wight. The exclusive photos of the Queen's Royal boobs and Royal Bottom are posted here: the revealing uncovered upper and lower parts have been digitally blurred for the protection of young (& old) eyes. The Topless Queen photos become public just as the Royal Family and the World are recovering from the shocking topless photos of Princess Kate. "This is just too much to "bare" a close friend of the Royal Family reportedly said. 

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GOP Says Don't Buy iPhone5

Don't Buy New iPhone5 - GOP Memo Warns

A secret "eyes-only" memo from the Republican National Committee warns party faithful of the threat that the new Apple iPhone5 presents to their Party capturing the White House in November. "...it is imperative that we (party leaders) discourage the purchase nationwide... of the  eyePhone Five (sic) .." the memo goes on to explain that increased sales of the new smart phone could help "bolster the economy, help create and sustain jobs, ..exactly when we need to tamp-down voter and consumer confidence in a re-covering economy." The top-secret memo reflects recent predictions from sources such as a JP Morgan economist (referenced recently in a Sept. 16 New York Times article) who said that the new iPhone "could add one-quarter to one-half a percentage point to 4th quarter annualized growth in the gross domestic product."

The memo, possibly written by something, a computer program, or someone named a "Reince Priebus" ( which could be a code name .. Anagram is: 

I spurn ice beer?) goes on to discourage Republicans from purchasing the  "eyephone" (sic) until after the November election...it is crucial to our success in November that the public perceives the economy to be wallowing and stagnating in a morass of Democrat/ Liberal/Socialist apologetic apathy... sales of this new-fangled Apple ei-phone must be stopped."

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What's Missing Here?

Barack Obama wants keep his job as President of the U. S. He made this clear last night with a speech that was both visionary, human, humble, aspirational but not especially inspiring.  Last week the former Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney accepted his party's nomination as if he were accepting a multi-million dollar bonus from his board of directors. In comparison to The President's speech Massachusetts Governor Mitt's speech was perfunctory, straight, bloodless and boring. "I accept... thank you...elect me, cut my taxes even more, god bless America."

Obama laid out his accomplishments, (although Bill Clinton did a better job of that a couple of night ago), told us why it's a good idea to re-elect him, shared some specific plans, tried to set some national goals (train 2 million future workers) talked about our current wars (because Massachusetts Mitt failed to even mention war), repeated his multi-source renewable and non-renewable energy plans even giving a shout-out to "clean coal," (you listening West-By-Gawd-Virginia?), and mentioned, yes, The Almighty...God! The total package of words and ideas were delivered with strong oratorical passion and sincerity. 

But still, something was missing. Maybe it was a clear laid-out challenge to create a national jobs program, similar to FDR's Civilian Conservation Corps (CCD); maybe it was the lack of a bold government jobs stimulus plan that would shock the Republicans, lay down the gauntlet and say to the American people that these are tough times that require tough measures. America's infrastructure needs to be repaired: bridges, roads, electrical grid, the nation's internet backbone needs to be brought up to the speed that most countries already enjoy.  America's education system needs repair, student loan obligations need to be reduced. Big government money to put America back on its feet. The ultimate challenge to the Republican plan to make the rich richer so they can gorge on more cake and spill crumbs for the rest of us. 

With today's anemic jobs report Obama should have laid it all on the table..a now or never challenge, bold, risky yet full of the hope and change he once promised. 

www.praajek.com

Call Them Out

Call Them Out

Brave words, words that we  needed to hear have been spoken during the first 2 nights of the Democratic National Convention.  I've heard endorsements of equal pay for equal work and praise for the end of "don't ask, don't tell," in the military. I have been gratified by speeches from supporters of  a woman's right to choose how she will handle her pregnancy, and of a gay person's right to choose whom they will marry. President Clinton tonight spoke the hard truths that a Romney-Ryan reign will bring us. 

But who will be courageous enough to speak out against Republicans' veiled racist attacks against President Obama?  

Am I the only one who heard Republicans' subtle emphasis--throughout their convention--on the first word of our country's residence for the President? "The WHITE House," speaker after speaker repeatedly said, as if from scripts signaling to all bigots that they share their prejudice and intolerance. The WHITE House.  

It's time to call them out, to call out that yes, we hear what you are saying and yes we know exactly what you mean. 

When Clint Eastwood said so viciously at his surprise convention appearance last week "Look here: We own this country" how many of us cringed as we saw thousands of white people leap to their feet and roar with furious delight?  One does not have to have ears tuned for racial insensitivities to understand the  sickening subtext of a near hysterical non-diverse mono-cultural mass of people shouting in repeating unison "We (White People) own this country."   

That's not exactly what they said. But that's what they meant.

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Republican Platform: They Built It.

What's more bizarre than Angel Dudeini's Republican Revelations? How about a dose of Republican Reality? Here are the highlights of Romney's Republican Platform, voted on and approved by delegates this week. The Platform represents the Republicans' guiding principles and vision for America. 

1. Support for the public display of the Ten Commandments. (Comment: display at all Wall Street brokerage houses and major banks)

2. Grant Constitutional Rights to unborn fetuses. (Comment: just make sure they have a photo ID before they try to vote)

3. Uphold rights to purchase unlimited amounts of ammunition, ammo clips or assault rifle ammo magazines. (Comment: ensure gun & ammo shops have strong presence at all Republican Conventions.) 

4. Encourage undocumented laborers to go home. (Comment: who says you can't go home again.)

5. Outlaw same-sex marriage. (Comment: That's so gay!)

6. Ensure that English is our national language. (Comment: Speak English very loudly so everyone can understand you.)

7. Require photo ID's to vote. (Comment: Welcome home Jim Crow)

8. Repeal the estate tax. (Comment: Attention Walmart shoppers...now you don't have to pay taxes on that multi-million $ estate you inherited)

9. Encourage development of coal-fired energy and reduce EPA regulations on limiting greenhouse gases. (Comment: don't just move the mountaintop.. Remove it! )

10. Raise the age for Medicare eligibility. (Comment: Medicare will now only pay for hospice.)

11. Encourage more home schooling, single-sex classrooms and abstinence education instead of sex ed & family planning programs. (Comment: what's a little 'homemade sin' among kin?)

That's it. In all it's goofy harshness. Even Angel Dudeini couldn't make this stuff up. 

www.praajek.com

Romney's Heartbreak of Hemorrhoids

More Angel Dudeini revelations: 

Mitt Romney to Share Heartbreak of Hemorrhoids with America. 

M-Rom will share with the American public Thursday night his lifelong struggle to overcome hemorrhoids and toenail fungus. Romney will detail the personal agony he endures even to this day in his battle with incessant rectal burning and itching and the heartaches and turmoil his afflictions have wrecked upon his wife Ann and multiple sons. A leaked draft excerpt of his nominating acceptance speech highlights how M-Rom will connect his intimate personal tribulations with the daily struggles of the over-taxed and underworked American middle class. "America's tax burdens and dependence on useless government expenditures such as air traffic control, highway maintenance, Social Security, Medicare, food safety, emergency disaster relief, farm subsidies... are as irritating as the fungus growing under my right big toenail," Romney is expected to say. "You think Bill Clinton felt your pain? Well allow me to disabuse America of that... I feel real pain.. from my butt down to my big toe." 

Advisors expect M-Rom's speech to help re-introduce him to the American people and convey 

that even though Gov. Romney is a privileged multi-millionaire who has accumulated vast wealth by avoiding paying taxes and owns a fancy tax-exempt horse that prances & dances in the Olympics, he is also a man with common-man ailments of itching & burning. 

www.praajek.com

Romney to Build Fallopian Pipeline

Every day (well, some days) thru the conclusion of the Republican Convention Praajek reveals top-secret Romney policy plans that were recently revealed in my sleep by an Angel named Dudeini. He deposited at the foot of my bed a Golden Tax Return upon which is etched an outline of how a Romney Administration plans to rule America. 

Romney to Build the Fallopian Pipeline

Angel Dudeini told Praajek that a Romney Administration shall make rapeseed a legitimate agricultural crop in America. Currently, most of the rapeseed is grown in Canada and pressed into Canola Oil. By legitimatizing the production of rapeseed, America's bio-fuel use will soar and lubricate our engines of production. To speed up America's use of rapeseed oil Romney plans to build the Fallopian Pipeline to import Canadian rapeseed oil. To direct this major initiative Romney will create a new Cabinet Department of Ladies Health & Animal Husbandry to be overseen by former Congressman Todd Akin.

Cabinet Secretary Akin will bring his considerable knowledge of women's biology and health issues along with his expertise in  management of domestic lady and agricultural affairs to solve our nation's energy, agricultural and lady problems. Romney says that after rapeseed is firmly implanted in American soil we will no longer be dependent on Canada for our Canola oil and will rename it Amerola Oil. The Fallopian Pipeline will then be re-purposed to "allow passage of eggs from American chicken farmers' hen houses to homes across the US," he said.

Angel Reveals to Praajek

Angel Reveals to Praajek Romney's Secret Plans For America. 

Every day (well, most days) thru the conclusion of the Republican Convention Praajek will reveal secret policies and plans that a Romney Administration will pursue if elected. These top-secret policy plans were revealed to me in my sleep last night by an Angel named Dudeini. He deposited at the foot of my bed a Golden Tax Return upon which is etched an outline of how a Romney Administration plans to rule America. Here-forth is a synopsis of the etchings, starting with "Order Primary Firstus."  I shall reveal other Orders in subsequent posts. 

Energy Erectus Primary Order

1. End all government subsidies for alternative renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, pedal but not nuclear. Romney is to advance legislation that calls for local small business neighborhood fracking permits. U.S. oil & gas conglomerates such as Exxon, ConocoPhillips, Marathon and Chevron are to be granted Federal imminent domain permits to explore fracking for natural gas in low-income neighborhoods in America's largest blue-state cities. Under Romney's secret energy plan Exxon, for example, will be encouraged through special Federal FIMBY - Frack In My Back Yard -  subsidies to develop under-used blighted, low-income neighborhoods as fracking sites. 

The FIMBY Project as explained in a special Romney Golden Energy Whitepaper will clear out former "Citizens of Welfare (COWs) residents who contribute only negative productivity to the American economy. These COWs, the whitepaper details, shall be re-located to Nevada as volunteers loading nuclear waste in a proposed "Harry Reid Memorial Nuclear IRS Tax Returns National Depository." Romney shall institute a new national "Drill Sideways Baby Drill" energy policy to be spearheaded by former Republican VP candidate and half-governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin who will oversee a new non-federal non-department of energy called the Private Individual Select Sector of Energy Resources (PISSER).

More Angel Dudeini Revelations tomorrow.. 

www.praajek.com