Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Throwing Cold Water, Or Iced Is Even Better Than Cool

The ice bucket challenge has poured itself all over the internet as people and celebrities rush to dump a bucket of ice over their heads to increase awareness of ALS disease. This cold water treatment apparently causes one to suddenly google ALS and learn more about this dreaded disease and in more extreme cases results in a hand thrusting itself into a purse or wallet for a credit card to make a donation. But it only works if someone videos the act and posts it on a social media site. Don't waste your time just dumping ice water on your head alone. This doesn't work. You'll just be cold and wet.

Here are some other challenges that people and celebrities can do to support research in lesser-known syndromes, afflictions, complaints, ailments or indispositions.  

  • Pour a bag of unbleached white flour over your head challenge... for gluten diet research.  
  • Drop your smart phone in the toilet challenge ...for Selfieitis Research. 
  • Pee Your Pants Challenge for "That-Was-So-Funny I Nearly Peed-My-Pants" cliche malady.
  • Shave your head challenge for baldness research.
  • Drop Your Pants in Public Challenge for Perv Amelioration Research.
  • Stick your head in the gas oven challenge... for Facebook Envy Depression research.
  • Play Russian Roulette with a loaded hand gun challenge... for 2nd Amendment GunNut Syndrome research.
  • Finger in a Flame Challenge .. for  insensitivity/apathy research.
  • Twist two nipples counter-clockwise challenge .. for... aw hell..... just for research in general.
  • Teabag yourself ... For Tea Party Affiliation Disease.
  • Take your mom's car to jiffy lube ...for Porno addiction research.
  • Vomit in a bucket & pour it over your head challenge... for binge drinking research.
  • Smash your face into a mirror challenge ... for Narcissism research.
  • Poke yourself in the eye challenge ...just because.

And don't forget to video it and post it on You Tube or Facebook.  Oh, and send money.


www.praajek.com

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Weapon of Cash Infusion



Looks like our puppet thug in Iraq, Nuri al-Maliki is backing off his threat to keep his job by military force after being replaced by a newly-appointed and US-blessed thug. Of course all it took was a little persuasion in the form of our strongest and most reliable tool and weapon of international diplomacy and nation building: Bags O'Cash.
This is just a wild guess at this point but we can assuredly look forward to reports similar to the ones last year that exposed the CIA's bribes to our puppet thug Afghan President Hamid Karzai who eagerly awaited each month for his bags, suitcases and backpacks of US cash totaling by some estimates tens of millions of dollars. Perhaps this is the most cost-effective method of getting countries to do what we want. Considering that the Afghanistan and Iraqi wars have cost the US taxpayers between 4-6 trillion dollars, bribing despots, thugs and dictators to behave as we wish costs less than the money, blood and havoc we wreak upon our nation and the victim nations we choose to invade. Let's take a nice chunk of that $640 billion we now spend on our military and create a truely cost-effective weapon that needs no testing, no competing for major manufacturing contracts, a stealthy weapon that flies under the radar, penetrates bunkers like a farm boy in a field of ripe melons, an infrared guided surface-to-wallet missile that strikes and satisfies the most despotic heart of greed: The Pentagon's Bag O' Cash. Oh, and delivered by drones.


www.praajek.com

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Does Obama Want to Spread Deadly Ebonics Disease?

Sarah Palin Speaks What's In Her Mind:  "Obama Wants to Spread Deadly Ebonics Disease."

(Praajek is just back from an Alaskan sabbatical where he recently ran into former half-governor Sarah Palin in the Grizzly Paw tavern... Here are excerpts of his conversation with her.)

Well doggone it,  Praajek...let's talk Obama. First he shoots down that Malaysian jet plane airliner, with all those good Christian and other faith persons (and right after he ordered his thugs to capture that CNN one and make it disappear from our good blue earth), then he makes a secret sweetheart deal with Putin to give him Crimea in exchange for what cry me a river? ...lifting the import tariffs on loose fitting Rooskie Motherland Jeans? And then, thru back door diplomatic maneuvers he invites thousands of Central American drug lord cartel kids to run to our borders and sneak in the dark of the night across that river or sewer pipes left unguarded by Obama to register to vote Democrat. And remember last spring when that group Boko Haram kidnapped those 200 Nigerian schoolgirls? Boko Harem, of course is an anagram for "a mark hobo" which of course is an anagram for "a harm book" which must mean that Islamaistic bible. You can betcha that our so-called President orchesterated that devacle. And just the other day you just know he must have given the thumps-up for those Sharia-Iraqie icy guys to have their way with those Kurds trapped on a mountaintop somewhere. We don't know why yet, but you can bet he's got something up his sleeve besides that grabby liberal hand.  But now he's really gone and done it by spreading a secretly-extracted vial of his dead father's vile African blood and leaked it all over West Africa causing innocent people to get that Ebonics disease. His nefarious goal of course is to spread the disease throughout the US and have everyone speaking in Ebonics. Yup, our so-called Leader of the Free World has been rearin' his head all over the world and just makin' this God-blessed earth a lot less blessed and a lot more messed. 



Sunday, April 13, 2014

Welfare Cash Cows Graze On The Government Dole

Welfare Cash Cows Graze On The Government Dole


A standoff near Bunkerville, Nevada recently pitted welfare-rancher Cliven Bundy and an armed mob of gun-totting wanna-be cowboy thugs against the Bureau of Land Mgt. Mr. Bundy, whose cows have fed at the Government trough for free since 1993, refuses to pay for his cows' food via a grazing fee of a mere pittance of a $1.35 per cow per day. (non-government private-sector grazing costs are upwards of $20 per day)  His armed supporters are the same teabagger "cowboys" who want the "gummit" out of their Medicare. Welfare King Bundy now owes the Government more than $1 million in unpaid fees. In other words, he owes the American people, you and me. We are subsidizing this welfare deadbeat and his welfare-grazing cash cows. 

Here is Rancher Bundy riding an expensive four-shoed horse, probably driving an expensive Silverado truck and buying expensive prime cut steaks (and probably lobster, too). All on the Government's dime. Or one hundred thousand dimes. Actual Food Stamp (SNAP) families have to feed themselves and their children on about $4 a day per family member. Bundy's cows get an all-they-can-eat feast for $1.35 a day and refuse to even pay that amount. 

And that's just the surface of the welfare trough from which he is skim-milking the American taxpayer. According to Welfare Ranching: The Subsidized Destruction of the American West, "other subsidies include taxpayer-supported research at western land grant universities and agricultural exemptions that lower property taxes paid by ranchers. There are handouts to help with nearly every problem: drought relief, low-interest agricultural loans, emergency livestock feed programs, emergency grazing on Conservation Reserve Program lands, to name a few. Even many of the fences crisscrossing the West's "open" spaces are paid for by American taxpayers."  The authors explain that there also exists an "abundance of federal and state funding that props up the industry, including below-market grazing fees, emergency feed programs, low-interest federal farm loans, and many other taxpayer-funded programs"….not counting the environmental costs of "soil erosion; degraded water quality and the costs of cleanup; the spread of exotic weeds and the subsequent reduction in plant community productivity; and the costs of saving species endangered by livestock production." All these plus the social costs of negative health impacts of promoting a meat-intensive diet. Mr. Bundy, your cowboy days are over. Pay up, or git along little doggie. 

Read more about Welfare Ranching at: http://www.publiclandsranching.org/book.htm
 

www.praajek.com

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Bitcoin vs. LitCoin...new currencies for a new age.



LitCoins, or Literature Coins (not to be confused with Litecoin, one of many alt currencies)…like Bitcoins, are a new currency. Unlike Bitcoin, LitCoin is not a crypto currency, i.e. based on cryptology and the solving of mathematical crypto equations. LitCoin is a paper, analog currency made up of pages torn from works of literature with higher values on literary masterpieces and lesser value on pulp and airport fiction. Like Bitcoin, LitCoin come onto the market by people who "mine" for coins, or 'miners" in Bitcoin parlance. Bitcoin miners work computers aggregately to solve complicated mathematical equations in order to create new coins. People wanting to "create" or "mine" for LitCoin must go through a process of "reading" instead of "mining" for coins. Readers for LitCoin must solve complicated literary analysis of works of literature. For example, a Reader wanting to create new LitCoins might have to analyze the plot, structure, characterization, tone and mood of Melville's Moby Dick; or discuss the symbolism, imagery of T.S, Eliot's "The Wasteland." Or, on a more linear basis, construct and diagram the fourth section of William Faulkner's "The Bear." 

LitCoins can be earned only by non-collaborative effort unlike "miners" for Bitcoins who can summon the power of computers world-wide in solving crypto-equations. If one wants to "buy" or obtain Bitcoins, one must work through a Bitcoin exchange like Mt. Gox, physically located in Japan, and link to your  bank account that contains your dollars or other fiat currency.  Mt. Gox, in the news recently for "losing/misplacing $450 million worth of Bitcoins,  began as an exchange station for collectors and traders of Magic the Gathering fantasy cards, thus M(magic) T(he) G(athering)…go figure. But one can buy LitCoins by going to any used bookstore and asking to buy LitCoins. Not all bookstores are authorized to sell them and it is up to you to discover which store sells them. This can only be done in person; no phone calls or Googling.  Once you find an authorized LitCoin Exchange Bookstore (LEB) then all you do is whisper an esoteric quote from a major character in Russian literature (these quotes can change from day-to-day)  pull out some of that old-school fiat currency folded in your purse of wallet and bingo you have a fistful or maybe a ream of LitCoins. 

Like Bitcoins, LitCoins can be safely stored and protected. Bitcoin owners store their currency in digital "wallets," software designed to allow payment for the free-flowing exchange of goods and services. LitCoin holders, on the other hand, store their currency in physical cloth "bookbags." These analog cloth "book bags" are often adorned with commercial imprints or "endorsements" signifying allegiance to a particular brand; a bank, a department store, or sometimes printed with clever  or whimsical statements such as "Mimimalist," "ToteBag," "Not A Plastic Bag," or existential questions "What R U Look N @?," or "What is the Meaning of My Bag?" The LitCoin "book bag" provides protection and security of LitCoins for the LitCoin owner. LitCoin can be easily exchanged for goods and services with few protocols required for the execution of the exchange unlike Bitcoin which requires lengthy encryption passwords and digital doodads like computers or smart phones. 

Bitcoins were purportedly started by a mysterious Mr. Satoshi Nakamoto of the Island of Pseudonym who has so far escaped discovery by Google, NSA and People Magazine. LitCoins are generally thought to have been created the day before yesterday by a mysterious Ms. Mortimota Muckinfussamuss, who some say anonymously wrote the Cliff Notes on James Joyce's seminal novel Ulysses.


Which new currency to use? I'm putting my money on LitCoin. As the drunken character Lebedev said in Dostoyevsky's "The Idiot," "There's more wealth, but there's less strength; the binding idea doesn't exist anymore; everything has turned soft, everything is rotten, and people are rotten." (Five Litcoins, please.)….praajek.com

Friday, February 7, 2014

Doggone War

Will this be what it'll take to finally grab the attention of Americans to the fact that we are still fighting a war in Afghanistan. A war? In Afghanistan? So 2004, you say? How about over 2,100 American soldiers killed and nearly 180,000 wounded since 2001 as a cold bloody fact. But there's hope. News reports that Taliban in Afghanistan has captured a top American military prize, a Colonel indeed. Who has four legs and a tail. The report of the Taliban capture of a U. S.or NATO military dog, named Colonel, might just wake our pet-crazed populace out of its complacency enough to ask a collective WTF are we still doing there? And now the Taliban has captured one of our finest...a courageous canine. Americans may have forgotten about the war but this outrage will not stand! Let's recapture this warrior hound and bring him back home to a hero's welcome. Oh, and while we're at it, let's bring our human soldiers home too.

www.praajek.com



Saturday, January 11, 2014

Analogging My Life

Analogging My Life

I'm starting a new project for 2014. I'm converting my digital life to analog. I plan to capture all my old digital photos on Polaroid, Kodachrome, Ektachrome or B&W Tri-x. My digital music downloads will be converted to vinyl. Here's a sample of a downloaded MP3 song that I recently anal-logged to wax cylinder. Plans are also in the works to print all my e-books as well as thousands of old Word  Star documents. My work has just begun.

www.praajek.com


Sunday, December 29, 2013

2013 Year In Review

Eyes Only - 2013 - The Movie

Like slow Netflix streaming
2013 kept us
Dreaming
That maybe we should have
Left it
On the digital cutting room Floor.
Deja vu it sure seems
We've seen this movie before.

While suffering
A sluggish economy
Buffering
Republicans applauded
The thuggish dichotomy
That one percent rules
While 99 percent fools
Binge-watched wall streeters
Take over the town.
This year even Ebert
gave it up
With two thumbs down.

Not a hit nor blockbuster
Like a Ted Cruz filibuster
Starring elite superjob "makers"
Supporting a cast of a million "takers"
The Hangover we're now at sequel XIII
Let's hope it's the last one please no more.
Should have skipped it like Hotel floors
Between the twelve and the fourteen.

The Act Two
Blues and nationwide flu
Karma was due
For the POTUS
Who got the most of the Votus
Obamacare paid the price
For good reviews by the SCOTUS
The Prez danced in end zone Gloatus
To roll the dice 
And neglect to do any Promotus.

An unexpected twist in plot
On the war machine's backlot
Built a new rationale
For women combatants
Renamed now as Gal-
Warrior Wombatants.

Hipster zombies
Walking dead Romneys
Riding fixees so fedorable
Sipping micro brews so pourable
Like Katy Perry's deplorable ROARable.
Or Mumford boys, Suspenders and hairshirts, 
Banjos and beards,
Brooklyn Williamsburg
Rare dirt
In public personal pity-purges
Moaned their artisanal shi..y Dirges.


(Subway said that size didn't matter
If their footlong didn't Measure up
To more sup
On your platter
It's their way of keeping you Slim not fatter.)

Higgs Bosun a sticky Particular particle
Came out of the closet
Like a cosmic farticle.
Global Warming gave itself a New name
Not Zoe or Chole just Climate Change
Offering now a seismic posit
Bad news for the weary
Deniers of science
That like evolution it's a fact Not a theory.

(Same sex sexing
Lost its shame sex hexing
Won its legal marital nexus
In a lot of states but definitely Not Texas.)

The special effects starred
iPhones  and androids
Paranoid tech wars
Apple Samsunging
Out-Gaga-ing MileyTonguing
And twerking their OS's Onscreen with foam fingers
Swiping
Their bungholes wiping.

In a crucial scene
Social sharing
Went extreme
From beds to bath
And bongs beyond
Our meds and wrath
And wrongs;
We over-shared and boasted
Posted on and on
Our twitter news fed lives
Filled in the empty spaces
In the book of faces.

Toward the end of this flick
The theme of it just won't stick
It begins with a "p" ah, yes Privacy
Spelled Pry-us-see.
In the name of security
We gave up obscurity
To the government hackers
Hi-jackers of our texts and Email
Who tapped our phones
Watched us from drones.
What caused our massive Passive Fail?
We fell asleep watching
Duck Dynasty crackers.

The leading man looked like A barista;
Exposed his government as   Big Brutha
Voyeurista.
Ed Snowden's reward for Those data terabytes 
He's now living the good life As a Muscovite.

The script called for love
So we clicked on dove
Dotcom
For every cohort
Whatever sort
There was a port.
Blew out the Match;
Disrupted the Harmony and
Jilted the J Date.
We dug for love at KoalMinersDigDeep;
Nodded off with NarcolepsSleep.
Locked down our love at BigHouseDotCom;
Wasted our love at SmokeRoachesWithMom.
Drooled with GeezersGottaGitsum
Unchallenged ourselves at DateDownDumb.
Lifted our Burkas at Muslim Mingle;
Learned to love ourselves at OnanSingle.
Quenched our  desire for
    midget firefighters at
Firemen Squirts;
Satisfied our pain with
Let’sGet2Getha&Hurt.

Not much action on the set
Instead a fiscal cliff-hanger
Teabagger gangbangers
Played Hunger Gamers
With arrows to the foodstamp safety net.

The plot thickened
A mystery transpired
Cruise shippers sickened
A Pope retired.
Hyperloop the new monorail
Why were people eating kale?

This movie contained graphic content; Explicit language
Situation disasters
Some natural some manmade.
Tornadoes, floods, wildfires, heat waves,
Bombings and deep freezes
Took many to their graves;
Something even killing all the Beesus.

Mass shootings were real Still No gun controls;
To keep armed to the teeth We sold our souls.
Killings rose like a killer Tsunami;
Flush Phlegmball called the Pope a commie.
At intermission we Electronically puffed
Talking about Weed of Wisdom stuff
Vaping on outdated laws.
Who wrote this script was
Legally high
In
Lulu lemoned rubbed raw thighs
With
K-Mart-jingling x-rated balls.

We're buffering again
Little wheel a-spin
Our movie suddenly fades to Black;
This time Tony really did get whacked.

Back to the show
We're streaming fast from the Cloud
That cinematic sound a loud
Droning mistake could be Maybe
But not in Pakistan who Knows?
Lookout Royal Baby!

Bare chested Pooty Putin
Posing half nudie nootin'
In the Motherland stirs not a
Rooty tootin' ripple
Sharing the sight of his Tsarist nipples.
A manly show of a Russian metrosexual
Or maybe an outlawed Homosexual.
An emperor Caveman on a
Diet
Afraid to eat a little Pussy Riot.

The credits roll
The score lifts high
Villains and heros
The worst and the best
A juiced up Lance
Narcasistic Kanye West
This year gave birth
To some of the worst
And the usual others
Like the Koch Bruthas
Those villainaire major Teabagger fund raisers
Against the powerless Minimum wagers.
The new Pope in old shoes We saw in some photos;
The red ones he sent back to Dorothy and Toto.
The good guys were played By a cast not a lot of
Some gave up the the ghost and their earthly home
(Mandela deserves a much better poem).
The villains too many survived to be seen
in next year's sequel "2014."




LF Rudmann
www.praajek.com
©2013


Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Praajek To Sell Used Virginity to Highest Bidder

Praajek To Sell Used Virginity to Highest  Bidder

Taking a cue from recent news reports that Brazilian college student Catarina Migliorini offered to sell her virginity twice after refusing an offer of $780,000, Praajek recently announced that he too will sell his used virginity to the highest bidder. It's here for the asking...price, he said. This classic Virginity, although well-worn, shows well with great rustic curb appeal. A few dings and dents are apparent around the edges but this model is a real collector's item. He said a minimum bid of .99 cents sounds reasonable and is in alignment with the price of an iTunes song download.  "This is a once-in-a-lifetime offer," said Praajek. The winning bidder will receive an authentic authorized Certificate of Authorized Authenticity (CAA) validating that your bid was accepted. (Consummation not required nor accepted). The lucky winner will also receive a coupon for .25 cents off the purchase of a half pound of Winter Red kale at a local participating grocer.
www.praajek.com















http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/19/catarina-migliorini-virginity_n_4303653.html

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Extreme Social Sharing

Extreme Social Sharing

In the pursuit of Total Social Sharing (TSS), Praajek has decided without much decision-making thought to disclose, reveal and share with the world intimate details of his personal life... to go where few in the Social Universe have gone before. No, he is not revealing the copious amounts of alcohol consumed at the Funky Bhudda Lounge last Thursday evening nor the lurid details of the three-or-fivesome all-girlly multi-mingle that debauched his crib after he was carried fully armed with lucious ladys from the Funky Bhudda. No, he will not share all his favo foods, injesting facilities, dreams, nightmares, bodily function depositing and waste management adventures. Maybe later. But the following represents his Commitment to the new Standards of Social Sharing which are meant to break the bonds of the restrictive Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPPA) and set new Modern Social Standards (MMS) henceforth to be known as Extreme Social Sharing or the Not Too Much Information Act. (NOTOMIA). Hereby, in the spirit of ESS is a manifest of meds that that Praajek ingests on a daily schedule. 

Placeebonium
Jiscrapaflex
Beegbuksforabonerum
Expensaflo
Unafforderol
Untestedlix
Wastamonistin
Suckercillin
Fughettabowetamine
Furghototaykheterol
Askurdokturrol
Wadiddijestakaflex
Hottpharmasalesgurlix
Wiamytakndisarol
Notsurwhaditkursamine
Sidafexium
Kontraindakasazole
Resizurdikapam
Rugagro
Kreekykneesiusm

www.praajek.com

Monday, October 21, 2013

Randomoniums...or Where is Balloon Boy when we need him?

Randomoniums...or Where is Balloon Boy when we need him?

Ah, for the good old days of the boy in the runaway helium balloon and the breathless nonstop live coverage of a metallic balloon wafting thru the skies for hours before listlessly floating to the ground without a boy inside. Or even a more sinister yet semi-comical Kim Jong Un threatening to nuclearly annihilate us while he plays basketball with Dennis Rodman; oh where are you Casey Anthony, Amanda Knox and Jody Arias.. you sexy siren trio of murder trial celebrities? From yesteryear how about a good old-fashioned race-baited murder trial with a white Ford Bronco or a more recent crazy stand-ur ground vigilante? Those were the real news days. Remember Y2K? The Mayan Apocalypse?  Nonstop coverage of Katrinas and Sandys...even terrorists bombings and murderous gun-nut rampages..all those made-for-media horrors that perversely unite and fixate Americans in orgies of prurient watching and watching. We like to watch. That's what we do. 
These past few weeks, Big Cable demanded that our attention be dominated by the Tea Bagger Congressional Gangstaas and their kidnap of the political process and a threat to crash the world's economy. The ransom to be paid:  a president and his health care law. The Tea Bagger Blood Gangastaas, are led by Ted "KraziKaKa" Cruz, a former government employee who has been a US Senator for 10 months and expects to be sworn in as the next President of the U. S. if he fails in his quest to have President Obama impeached before 2016. "KraziKaKa" Cruz and his T-Bagga Possse rule  gerrymandered congressional hoods that are marked territories where no DemoCrip Kings gang members dare enter. They threaten other Repubakan Maniac Disciples rival gang districts with destruction if their leaders don't hew the line and pay their respects. These Tea Bagga gangs are funded by outside national gangs like Freedomworks P. Stone Nation, ruled by the Biggie Koch Bruthas who now worry that the chaos they funded my come back to bite them in their cash boxes if their Tea Bagga minions crash the world economy. Better cool this gang warfare within the Repubakan Maniac Disciples before there is no longer a gang left. Oh well, the Koch Bruthas are planning their strategy for the next gang war skirmishes with the Democrips Kings next year. Meanwhile Big Cable already has as name for the upcoming wars: 
"Debt Limit Destruction".. It'll be a TeaBagga drive-by... so get ready America...to hit the floor. Or maybe Balloon Boy will come back to help lift the debt ceiling. 

www.praajek.com

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Pooty Poot's Polemic


In a NY Times editorial opinion article Russian President Vladimir Putin, aka Pooty Poot by G. W. Bush, takes America (and Obama) to task for its reliance on military aggression to solve international conflicts. "We must stop using the language of force and return to the path of civilized diplomatic and political settlement," Putin writes. 
Putin further says that although he and President Obama are increasing their mutual trust, he takes exception to the President's assertion of American "exceptionalism" and that its policies make it an exceptional nation. Invoking the "lord" Putin says that people in all countries are created equal. 
"It is extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional....There are big countries and small countries, rich and poor, those with long democratic traditions and those still finding their way to democracy. Their policies differ, too. We are all different, but when we ask for the Lord’s blessings, we must not forget that God created us equal," Putin concludes. 
So Putin transforms himself from a cartoonish James Bond-type villain who outlaws gay rights, imprisons political rivals, (even the Pussy Riot girl band for public protests) to a wise and benevolent leader and champion of human rights and Nobel Peace Prize candidate schooling Obama on the need for restraint, on the perils of military action to promote our version of democracy. "Millions around the world increasingly see America not as a model of democracy but as relying solely on brute force, cobbling coalitions together under the slogan “you’re either with us or against us.” 
Is Putin correct to challenge America on its claim of being "exceptional?" Does our policy of unilateral military strikes against any country that uses chemical weapons or commits genocide make us exceptional or just hypocritical. Our use of chemical napalm in Vietnam, our tacit approval of Saddam Hussain's use of chemical weapons in its war with Iran in the 1980s could be construed as exceptional hypocrisy. As the only nation to ever use the destructive force of nuclear weapons on another country it would seem our exceptionalism could easily be interpreted by other people around the world as less than aspirational. 

It's easy to read Pooty Poot's polemic as reasonable if not awkwardly written. (Couldn't he hire an American English major to edit his writing?) America has relied on brute force, has acted in a "with us or against us" attitude exemplified in the extreme by G. W. Bush's war on Iraq. But Pooty Poot.. come on...we may be hypocrites, but one thing is obvious, the Emperor wears no shirt.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Miley...The Genius of America

Miley...The Genius of America

America. Attention. Your attention is required now. If you have not seen Miley Cyrus's recent VMA performance then you have missed one of the most important, seminal art achievements in Western culture. Ms.Cyrus's spectacle, and I say "spectacle" in the true sense of wonderment, pageantry, virtuosity and sheer genius, stands alone among the few wondrous public acts ever shared with Americans, indeed humanity. Mother Theresa worked in silent anonymity bringing solace, relief and peace to the poor and sick. Einstein brought to science a new and relative perspective on space and time; the great composers Beethoven, Mozart, Brahms, Mahler, Debussy, along with moderns Glass and Cage gave us music as never before heard; Steve Jobs taught us to think and act differently; the monumental achievements of mankind can be chronicled, attested to and celebrated. But until now all these achievements pale, indeed are diminished by a 6 minute 23 second manifestation of The Great American Art. Period. No novel, poem, musical composition, painting, sculpture, architectural construction or other genius product of man's imagination has ever captured the essence of America, its people, its business, its religions, its music, its scientific and technological achievements... all that defines its very culture as much as a tiny girl named Miley did on August 25, 2013. Remember that date. That day America found itself. From a Giant Teddy Bear emerged a Foamed Fingered Force that forged a final definition of America and its people. Remember 08-25-13. Your great grandchildren will recall that day in history. Tell your children now that you viewed it live on TV or later saw it on YouTube. Point them to it now so they can witness it for themselves and thus pass down thru their generations what history will remark and remember as The Great American Art. 

Saturday, August 10, 2013

You Won't Believe what This Kitty Kan Do

This Video Kitten Will Unwind Your Balls of Twine...most Amazing Screwed-up Eyeball-messing Kitty Performance of 2013!!! Click linkylink here: 
Sorry: Content Not Supported On Your Device

www.praajek.com

Friday, August 9, 2013

Five Most Craziest Sex Positions That You Will Blow Your Mind... in the Future

 Five Most Craziest Sex Positions That You Will Blow Your Mind... in the Future

In the future, that time period that you can only dream about and that may or may not happen, conjugal body melding, doing the dirty deed, intercourse, just plain #%¥•}€ or what we now refer to as "sex" will occur thru some mind-blowing techniques and physical maneuvers unimagined today. Tomorrow's sex will not be your father's (nor mother's) sex. Check out the FIVE (actually SIX)  most important, unbelievable techniques that await you in the Future.

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Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Yippie Yi Ti Yo…Get Along 'Lil Cheney….

Liz Cheney


You Know That Wyoming Will Be Your New Home…..

Former Vice President and un- indicted war criminal Dick Cheney's daughter Liz "The Non-Lesbian One" has thrown her netipot in the ring for a Senate seat in Wyoming, a state in the western part of the US that currently has two Senators representing all 562 citizens. (Compare California with two Senators for its 38 million souls). 

The 46 year old mother of five moved to Wyoming last year thus establishing her residency in order to run for the Senate seat already held by Republican Mike Enzi, one of the most severe conservatives in the Senate. Ms. Cheney and her father believe Wyoming needs an even more severe, backward-looking conservative. Having held many jobs in government, Ms. Cheney has also worked on her father's campaigns. In 2009 she helped establish a non-profit organization "Keep America Safe" which aims to keep America safe. Ms. Cheney also appears as a political pundit on Fox News often displaying her father's recognizable snarl. 

Monday, June 17, 2013

Mr. Cheney, Who's the Real Traitor and Spy?

Former U.S. Vice President and un-convicted war criminal Dick Cheney Sunday proclaimed NSA leaker Edward Snowden a "traitor…and possibly a Chinese spy…" Looking perky and pink-cheeked, Mr. Cheney told his Fox TV hosts during an interview that if the NSA  American citizen spy program had been in effect before the September 11 terrorists attacks on the U.S. then the attacks might have been thwarted. Mr. Cheney's selective memory, perhaps compromised as a result of multiple heart attacks preceding his surprising receipt last year of a new heart from a mysterious and anonymous donor, overlooks another reason the 9-11 attacks were not uncovered. On August 6, 2001, a month before the attacks, the Bush Administration received a PDB "Presidential Daily Briefing" titled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.”  According to a September 12, 2012 New York Times article, this warning from the CIA was a frustrated follow-up to two previous other briefs on May 1 and July 29, 2001 warning the White House that Bin Laden was planning to attack soon. Of course these warning were ignored on the advice of the Vice and his neo-con cronys. If Mr. Cheney had not chosen to ignore these warnings perhaps the 9-11 attacks could have been prevented. Mr. Cheney deliberately chose not to protect and defend the American people from a possible imminent attack which resulted in the massacre of nearly 3,000 defenseless citizens on American soil. Who's the real traitor, Edward Snowden or Dick Cheney? And could Cheney be an al-Qaeda spy?


www.praajek.com

Saturday, June 15, 2013

For What it's Worth

There are serious implications of government gathering private info on citizens. If in the current Prism NSA National Security Agency (No Such Agency?) case it turns out that actual phone conversations, emails etc. were accessed, then we might be talking serious and criminal.  But what is absurd is the shock and dismay being expressed that government would do or attempt to do this contrasted with the reality of how much people today are willing to divulge of their private info in public forums, like Facebook Twitter & other social media. When people post on Facebook or Twitter when & where they're eating, peeing, who they're sleeping with, that they're drunk, high or visiting a museum or theatre why would they care if the government knows it too? It's Facebook! You just posted it for the whole freaking world to see! (Even if you limit access to "friends" every time you post something it's ultimately available for worldwide distribution.) I just ate this, here's a photo of my caprese salad. I just arrived here.. I'm seeing this now..  I have a new grandchild and here's 35 photos of her wrapped in swaddling cloth. I'm I'm I'm me me me look at me.. I'm important, I'm doing cool things, I'm relevant, I'm part if the world, I'm Special!!! And then when you find out the government is looking at the how Special you are... you are shocked. Shocked!

Cameras on every street corner, donut shop & grocery store. GPS in your car tells that GPS company and the government (government-licensed satellite) where you are & where you've been. Get cash from an ATM and you've left tracks. Grocery "value" key cards track your eating/drinking preferences. I've got 12 such cards on my key ring. The Target store chain admitted last year it could predict buyer purchases based on buyer history & demographics..i.e. stock more maternity items and junk food in low-income areas. If you shop at Lane Bryant with a credit card you might find it harder to buy health insurance. People talk loudly and freely and often purposely on cell phones in public places sharing intimate details of their "important" lives with annoyed and reluctant listening strangers. We live in a world where we are made to believe that sharing our personal information is cool, that privacy is not, that too much info is better than not enough. We say singsongedly "Too much in-for-ma-tion!" But we don't really believe it.

So, do I trust the government with my personal info? Not any more than I trust my hospital, car dealer, grocery store, toll road agency, or the myriad other businesses and institutions I interact with.

At this point it has not been shown that the government actually listened or transcribed my phone calls or emails. The danger in the government's Prism program is its potential to collect and store indefinitely our private communications and transactions. And why collect and store if it doesn't use it.

If paranoia is justified then I must also be afraid of Verizon, ATT, Comcast, Citibank, Google,  Apple, etc. Those companies already have my info. And I don't get to elect their CEO or directors. Is there really any essential difference between a big corporation and a government  agency besides election day accountability? The U.S.uses private military companies such as KBR (former Halliburton unit) and Blackwater to supply corporate soldiers to fight our wars; Booze Allen tech consulting derives 90% of its income from a government contract with NSA. Verizon provides a special physical fiber-optic pipeline to NSA. We need to unearth a vast supply of paranoia to cover all this.

Maybe we over-share
Can't have it both ways..
Share it you bear it.

The issue is what will or could government do with your phone calls, email, social media updates?

Ultimately the total paranoid answer is "anything it wants to do to you it could." Audit your taxes? Check. Restrict your travel.. deny passport, driver license?  Seize your guns? Check. Deny medical care? Form a death panel? Sure. Make your life miserable?  Lock you up? Kill you? Oh yeah!  All this assumes that government is intrinsically evil. Or if not, then it will choose an evil path if given the choice; that we elect leaders who are so flawed, weak, manipulative and willing to ignore the Constitution that we might as well not give a damn about anything and just live our pitiful little lives under the lens of Big Brutha.

"Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
Step out of line, the men come and take you away." Buffalo Springfield


Praajek@gmail.com

Monday, June 10, 2013

Secret Government Data Mine Discovered in WV Hollow!

Government data miners photographed hauling data into secret mine using hi-capacity fiber-optic rail vessel.
Praajek has just uncovered, thru proprietary wiki-hacking resources, a top-secret government Data Mine located in the foothills of a musty mountainous West Virginia hollow. Here are some exclusive photos I excavated from NSA data mines which show a top secret storage facility where the cell phone calls, Facebook postings, Instagram photos, old love letters, grocery lists, vehicle maintenance records, utility bills, old college essays, report cards, job evaluations, graduation classmate messages in high school yearbooks, baby teeth unclaimed by the Tooth Fairy, DNA samples of toenail clippings from unturned sofa cushions, New Year resolutions, Catholic Church member confessions, childhood mother’s day cards and first grade plaster hand imprints of millions of Americans. These exclusive photos also show government data mine workers hauling in for storage and analysis tons of private data from unsuspecting American citizens.
This previously undisclosed photo shows a government top secret data storage facility in remote West Virginia hollow.

Government data mine workers pose with specially-trained Government Mules that secretly transport citizen data via condoms inserted in rectums.






















Saturday, April 20, 2013

Celebrate?

"Celebrate good times, come on!
Let's celebrate
Celebrate good times, come on!
Let's celebrate."
....Kool & The Gang

Ok.. I know I should cut Boston some slack. The teenage Marathon Bomber is in the hands of the police. The older one is dead. There is much deserved relief among Bostonians and their suburban neighbors. Thank the gods & goddesses that these terrorists have been stopped from further mayhem. Then why does last night's flag-waving, anthem singing, bare-chested celebration seem so "un" seemly. I ask myself what would I have done (sorry, can't ask Jesus... he's dead). Would I have been there in a frenzied chest-thumping mob singing and publicly celebrating like the mob broadcast on TV? Where were the TV networks when probably most of Boston stayed quiet and solemn in their homes with the sad acknowledgment that this type of terror in America will probably not be the last. That's not really something to celebrate. 

Rather than celebrate, evidenced by the screaming, singing, dancing of the televised mob, I'm sure many Bostonians took this time to reflect, to hug their children in love more than celebration. But televising such a scene would not make good television. 

"We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)
Let's celebrate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)
Let's celebrate, it's all right." 

www.praajek.com

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The News...how much is too much?

The News...how much is too much?

The non-stop coverage of the tragic terror bombing in Boston by major cable and network TV news organizations is exploitative, wringing ratings bounty from tragedy in exchange for dubious reports of speculation, rumor, interviews with terror experts, maudlin personal accounts of victims by family, friends and neighbors. All disguised as "news." News that the American public, as deemed by the media, supposedly needs in massive overdoses. And needs and needs more and more and more.  Of course an event as horrific as a public bombing has to be covered as real news. But as soon as one of these violent events occur the media rolls out its pre-fab boiler plate disaster template replete with catchy "name," The Boston Bombing." Identify victims to highlight with personal profiles, reporters hang out in front of victims' homes, conduct special interviews of neighbors. When all the relatives' anguish, privacy and mourning has been exhausted then bring on Rudy Giuliani.  We've seen it all before..again and again. We watch the replays of the disasters over and over, the weeping relatives, the long-faced newscasters.  Wolf Blitzer fluffing his audience into an orgy of visual TV engorgement with his perfectly timed "This just in.. Breaking News... on top of breaking breaking breaking news; Anderson Cooper grim-faced with practiced reverent vocalizations of sympathy... Stay tuned we'll be right back with more on this developing story ......Stay tuned... Stay tuned... Right after this commercial message from Teenna Twist stop-the-leaks-panty pads. 
We're back with newsbabe Stacey So'enso.. From box cutters to pressure cookers, let's discuss... Joining me now is the spokesperson for the National Association of Pressure Cookers. 

Let the news just be news. 

The constant attempts to squeeze out a story from the slimmest of facts; the milking of a tragedy by repeated looping of horrific bloody videos; the frenzied pursuit of interviews with "experts" on any imaginable subject with the barest of relevance to the crime adds up not to legitimate news coverage but instead an attempt to stoke a morbid and prurient public hunger for a bloody insatiable feast on the aftermath of unspeakable tragedy. 

www.praajek.com

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Dick Cheney Apologizes...?

Since Dick Cheney won't apologize for anything, I'll do it for him...

Former President George Bush's underling Vice P. Dick Cheney continues to rear his evil shrunken head grabbing headlines by criticizing Obama's cabinet picks and insuring the world that he doesn't apologize for or regret anything in his life.

Last year it was his "no apologies"memoir, now it's a recent documentary,  THE WORLD ACCORDING TO DICK CHENEY, which amounts another helping of sour left-over no-apologies. As the world recently marked the 10th anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, the Cheney-Bush-Rummy-Condi-Colin's two trillion dollar war that slaughtered more than 4,400 Americans, injured more than 32,000 Americans and killed more than 100,000 Iraqis, Mr. Cheney continues to spend his remaining days on a self-congratulatory "no-apologies" tour.

If Mr. Cheney won't apologize for his murderous war or anything else he's done in his strangelovian life, well I suppose it's time, before he passes from this world into the depths of his own special room in Hell, that someone steps up and apologizes for him. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

So here it goes:  To all of Humanity.. I, Dick Cheney, offer my whole and transplant-hearted apologies for:

Dodging the Vietnam war draft five (5) times, while chicken-hawking and stoking the flames of wars for others to be maimed and killed in. I apologize profusely for publicly stating that "I had other priorities," as my excuse for dodging service to my nation.

I also apologize for supporting and promoting the wiretapping of American citizens, warrant-less Gitmo detention of suspected enemies, and the waterboarding and torture of enemy combatants in defiance of the Geneva Conventions.

I apologize for my egregious and purposeful lies to the American public about the existence of WMDs in Iraq and my vile role in leading America into the invasion of a sovereign nation that had no role in the 9-11 attack on the US. I am also sorry for publicly stating that the Iraq War would be "an enormous success story." (although I admit it was a financial success personally for me..ha ha). Although I apologize for that war, I admit that I will never be able to wash the blood of American soldiers and innocent Iraqi men, women and children from my greedy withered hands.

I apologize for my Iraq war profiteering that further enriched me by benefiting my former company Halliburton in its oil and construction ventures in that nation. I'm sorry that as Secretary of Defense - 1989-93-  I awarded Defense contracts to Halliburton and later was paid $44 million as Chairman of Board and CEO of Halliburton.

I also apologize for tricking poor dumb George W. Bush into accepting me as his running mate in the 2000 election. By assigning myself as the head of his search team for a credible Vice Presidential candidate, I sifted thru all the potential applicants only to, behold, find the perfect Vice: me! (I'm really sorry for that one!).

Although I apologize for these and numerous other minor and mostly major (sorry, Harry, for shooting you on that hunting trip) failures, schemes and crimes against humanity, I also wish to apologize for the innumerable medical resources that I've spent, probably the result of 20 years of 3-pack-a-day smoking. My multiple heart attacks, pacemakers, vein transplants used up valuable medical time and money. My heart transplant last year grabbed a heart from an anonymous donor that could have certainly been given to a more worthy recipient than me.

Sincerely,

Dick Cheney, your humble public servant.
(just kidding...)

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Don't Drone Me Bro ©.. World's First Personal Drone Deflector


Don't Drone Me Bro ©.. World's First Personal Drone Deflector


With mounting concerns over the US government's use of unmanned drones to kill American citizens, few are discussing defensive measures, beyond a Rand "BatshitKrazy" Paul filibuster, that citizens might deploy against a Government Drone Attack (GDA). Under top-secret protocols guided by the Paranoidial Society of America, I have just completed development of  "Don't Drone Me Bro©," the world's first Personal Drone Deflector. This unique personal headgear utilizes a patented highly effective deflective anti-drone silicate-based high-enamel coating called Teflonium. Combined with drone-signal-messing Warping Strips of special Tinfoilium, the "Don't Drone Me Bro©" headgear offers state-'o-the-art technology at state-'o-the economy prices. Lovingly hand crafted by bearded Amish farmers near Wapokeneta, Ohio,  the "Don't Drone Me Bro©" Drone Deflector also relieves drone- scanning neck pain as well as that nagging sense of impending instant death from the sky. Apply today to be one of the first "DDMB pioneers" to try it out. Txt 312.339.2583 or twitter @praajek #dontdronemebro why you would like to be one of the first to receive a prototype model.  But wait.. By applying now, if selected as a DDMB pioneer, you will also receive absolutely free an extra set of the patented Drone Signal-Messing Tinfoilium Warping Strips for extra drone death-defying protection. (Just pay shipping & handling.)


Sunday, February 24, 2013

Google Glasses…I got Mine! I'm the first…


Google Glasses…I got Mine! I'm the first…

I got the jump on Google's recent offer to apply for the first consumer model of its augmented reality glasses. Regular folks had to go through an application process, write an essay and plunk down $1,500 for the honor to be the first on their network to have a computer on their face. 

With my inside-Google social creds I arrived home the other day to the receipt of a Fed-X package from the Google Factory with a pair of prototype Google Glasses. Among the myriad features, my GGs sport designer rare-element Refusomonium Steel frames with "SouperDouper" Optics lens. 

One of the most magical features, NostrilJamAudio, enables me to now smell sounds. This takes music listening to an all-new dimension allowing one to instantly perceive whether or not a particular song stinks…or "smells/sounds" good. I tested it out by letting Pandora randomly select a female 80's pop singer. Out came Madonna singing a cover of Don McLean's American Pie and instantly my olfactory senses were overwhelmed with a putrid smell of fresh shoe-stepped-in dog poop. I hit my iTunes playlist favos including Muse, (hoppy beer brew scent) Mana (lime and cilantro)  and Brahms Concerto for Piano no.2 in B flat minor ( cinnamon apple strudel). Wow. NostrilJam really works! 

 And that's not all, folks. Yes, you can smell sounds, but you can also "see" smells with Google Glass's nifty app called "sMellize" (smelly eyes…get it?) When I played and smelled that Madonna song with the sMellize app activated I actually saw thru the Google Glass "SouperDouper" lens a virtual re-creation of dog poop on a shoe. Amazing. 

Although I haven't explored all the features on my new GGs I particularly enjoy the Sommelier Gizzy which automatically suggests and lets me virtually taste the perfect wine it algorithmically pairs with the dinner items I scan by looking at the menu. Pretty nifty, right? Let's say I'm scanning the menu at Mr. Beef's Italian beef walk-in on Orleans Street in Chicago. I focus my GG lens on the menu description of an extra large juicy beef with hot jardiniere. SommelierGizzy instantly brings up in my vision field a hip bottle of Muscatel Red. If I remove the Olfactory Sensory inset from my nostril (used for the NostrilJam app) and place it in my mouth I suddenly perceive a taste-sensation of that rich-bodied Muscatel Red. Crazy, right? 

Other features like the BlackHole Rectal Scan A-hole detector can warn me when I'm in the vicinity of jerks and assholes. Although Google touts this feature prominently in its promotions, it needs to work out some bugs. The A-Hole Detector kept giving me a warning even when I was alone and no one around. What gives, Google? 

Overall, Google Glass is everything one could expect from the Google Factory. Rumor has it that the next version of GG will incorporate the killer app "tOuchi-feeli," which purportedly allows a GG explorer to virtually touch and feel one's or another's feelings. For example, if my significant one is feeling angry, I might be able to touch and feel the shape of that sadness as a tactile object, (sharp heavy?) and see it's color (red?), and eventually even visually perceive it as maybe a chair which hits me in the head. Sweet, eh? 

And one last nice touch: included in every set of Google Glass is a special Hipster Hat. How cool is that? Eat your algorithms out, ye Googleless Goggleless ones. 

Click on image to enlarge.

Me Testing My New Google Glass

Click on image to enlarge...
New Google Glass Prototype
www.praajek.com



Friday, February 22, 2013

Dysfunctional Government or Business?

Dysfunctional Government or Business?

Once again NY Times columnist David Brooks hits the (hammer) head on the (thumb) nail in today's column. He asserts "that business people think that government is so dysfunctional that they are afraid to invest and spur growth." They indeed might think government dysfunctional, but that's not the reason for lack of new investment and hiring.  And businesses might also be afraid to invest. They are afraid because they can afford to be afraid, but not a fear of government.  A lot of businesses are sitting on stockpiles of cash and have learned during the past recession years that they can get by without additional hiring by demanding employees work longer and harder without significant wage increases. Not much incentive to hire when workers fear layoffs. First it was the excuse of the "fiscal cliff" for not expanding and hiring. Now it's the sequestration. They blame the government when the real reason lies in their new timid austerity and obsession for wringing the maximum profits out of the minimum workforce rather than boldly investing, creating jobs and helping the economy expand. And maybe this time government, as Reagan once said, is also part of the problem. Not for interference and regulation or tax policies. It's partially to blame because it's not doing enough. It's not spending enough to create new jobs. Once government unleashes the power of public sector jobs programs, investment in infrastructure, bridges, highways, the electrical grid, then dysfunctional business will see the error of its frugal fiscal folly and follow and cash-in with new investments and jobs. 


Dog Faced

Lots of pics of the Steve Buscemi dog recently shared...
The Steve Buscemi Doggie
Here's my version of a new breed...The John Boehner Basset Hound
The Boehner Basset

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Buffalo Wings Clipped?... Try Kalahogies this Super Bowl.

Buffalo Wings Clipped?... Try Kalahogies this Super Bowl.
The widespread national panic over the fear of a chicken wing shortage may indeed be self-fulfilling. Hoards of "wingers" are storming grocers, lining up hours before store openings, even stalking loading docks of Sam's Costco and Walmart. Major corporate chicken farms have reportedly been victims of midnight raids by marauding Super Bowl fans bent on having their wings and eating them too. In the rural South reports of broad-daylight chicken snatchings from back and front yards have been witnessed by locals.

Folks, there's a better way. Forgot the "Buffalo Wing."

As we slouch toward Super Bowl Sunday let us fore go the boring Buffalo Wing and masticate on the oral delights of Faux Calamari, or better known as Kalahogies. Faux, or fake calamari is similar to the artificial seafood crab stuff at the deli counter. It is the perfect Super Bowl snack made of real pork (the other white meat, right?)  Real calamari, as we all know are those tasty little white chewy rings of battered and fried squid. Faux calamari, popularly known as Kalahogies, are little rings of chewy hog rectums, battered and fried to delicious nutritious  chewiness. Boil them first until soft, then grill or deep fry slathered in spicy barbecue sauce. Serve and chew by the dozen. You'll never go back to Buffalo.

With apologies to William Butler Yeats' "The Second Coming.":

"The Second Helping"

Turning & burning on the broiling gyre
The chicken cannot but fear the
Chickener;
Wings fall part, the skin cannot
Hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The buffalo-wing shortage is loosed
And everywhere
The half-time ceremony of
has-been rock stars
Is drowned out by beer commercials.
The best commercials lack all conviction
While the worst are full of
Passionate flatulence.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely a Second Helping is at hand.

The Second Helping! Hardly are Those words out
When a vast image of Barbequedis Porcina-rectumus
Eases my sight: somewhere in Lands of the dessert
A shape with hog body and the Head of a chicken
A glaze sticky and hot and pitiless As the sun,
Is dripping slowly down my chin While all about it
Real sad howls of the indignant
Wingless fans.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That XLVII Super Bowls of boring
Football
Were hexed to indigestion by the chili ladle
And what rough beast, its rectum well done at last,
Slouches towards the two minute
warning to be eaten?

www.praajek.com

Saturday, January 19, 2013

"No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act".

Pass the "No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act".

President Obama's recent proposals to control the spread of guns in America does not go far enough. Here's what we need: 
Don't control guns, ban them.

Presidential/Executive "Re-interpretation" of the Second Amendment concomitant with enactment by Congress or Presidential Fiat of the "No Guns Left Behind in Hands of Civilians Act" also to be known as the "No Right to Own Guns Act."

The manufacture, import and sale of firearms and ammunition for non-military in the U. S. and its territories will be banned. 

Phase One: A Federal ban on the civilian purchase of any firearm. This means hand guns, assault rifles, shotguns, hunting rifles, target/sport firearms. Also BB guns and similar varmint-hunting guns such as pellet guns, potato "spud" guns and all NERF-type projectile-emitting gun facsimiles. (BB/pellet and NERF-type guns are "gateway weapons" that lead to future desire/addiction to possess and use bullet-based firearms). Violation of the "No Gun Left Behind Act" is a zero tolerance, "one strike you are out" violation resulting In a minimum income-based fine of $20,000 and up. Inability or refusal  to pay the fine shall result in a minimum one year sentence to a firearm practice ranch for Federal Agents as a live target decoy. (Sentence commuted after one year if prisoner survives)

Phase Two: The President shall order all citizens to turn in to Federal Authorities any and all firearms they own or possess. Firearm owners complying will be compensated for the price that they paid for the firearm(s). Refusal to comply will result in fines and imprisonment. 

Phase Three: The National Guard, branches of the US military forces, Federal policing agents including the FBI, will conduct house-to-house inspections nationally for the purpose of confiscation of firearms. Non-compliance will result in imprisonment of head of household. 

Phase Four: local police will be required to "Stop & Frisk" suspected gun carriers at any time or place. Citizens will also be rewarded with cash bonuses for alerting police or Federal authorities to anyone who they suspect possessing a firearm. 

Hunters and firearm sport enthusiasts will be able to rent approved firearms from the federal government for limited use. Firearm renters shall have proper gun user insurance.  

Traditional firearm-based hunters who choose not to rent firearms will be provided with federal training in bow & arrow, knife and persistence hunting (stalking and chasing game on foot until animal is caught). 

Black market distribution of firearms will be controlled by Revenueurs a special elite strike force of Federal and civilian under- cover swat specialists. Funding for national firearm prohibition will be diverted from state, local and Federal drug enforcement since passage of the "Freedom to Purchase & Use Any Drug Act" Americans will be able to purchase and use any drug legally.

This should be considered only the first steps in freeing our country of the curse of firearms. Once these actions are enacted then America should really get serious about banning guns.